'Leave Me Alone!' Yes, this is precisely what the kid whom I saw at the children's play park the other day, would have wanted to tell his dad!
After a long time I went to the children's park with my sons this weekend and was witness to an interesting, but horrible, incident. A handsome little boy, surely not more than 5 years old, was being pushed to the extreme by a moronic chaperon! I assume the moron was the kid's father; though he looked more like a grand-father. Presumably, the kid was there to have a good time and play in the park as he deemed fit / enjoyable. However, the moron would have none of it. He was constantly urging the child to keep running faster than the other kids, go higher than the other kids on the climbing rope nets and do the highest number of slides. The man was cursing the child if the 'effort' was not upto his expectations. The boy was very chubby but not obese or lethargic at all. The moron was probably trying get the child a six pack by the time they got off the park. And no marks for guessing what the child was feeling. He was irritated by the constant chat and rebuke and was trying to take out all that frustration on the other kids in the park.
Welcome to the modern urban India! A land where ambitious modern-day parents in cities are pushing their kids to achieve impossible feats with dangerous results. Fourteen-year-old Biswadeep Bhattacharya's father wanted to see his promising son become a world champion in Table Tennis. He forced his son to to practise without any rest. Biswadeep was ranked among the top four table tennis players in the sub-junior category in West Bengal. Gruelling long practice sessions, merciless thrashings for small mistakes or a poor performance was Biswadeep's order of the day. Unable to take this much pressure, one day he suffered a cardiac arrest! Everyday such children are living under stress to prove themselves. Interestingly, this is true not just in studies, but also in curricular activities or sports. There are a number of chillingly true examples of children committing crimes in order to continue to prove themselves or even committing suicides when unable to live upto the expectations. There is no doubt that this is a dangerous trend.
In 2006, a study conducted by the Pew Research Center, only confirmed this. In India, China and Japan, a majority of the respondents said children are under too much pressure from parents. Interestingly, this was a mirror image of what the respondents had to say in the United States of America.
Apparently, this is so in the Asian countries, and especially in India, because the parents want their children to gun for and achieve all of their unfulfilled aspirations. Every parent wants his ward to be better than him. Moreover, the sheer scale of the populace itself drives parents to unnatural levels of competition.
So what should one do in this competitive age, so that the creative and impressionable mind of the child is not burdened? I think it is important to teach the child acceptance over and above the drive to excel. Parents should train their children to accept failure and success equally as a part of their life. I must say, this is not easy and will not come naturally to many. At least not to me. The other day I was shown Suryanksh's mid-term report card (I am amazed that they have one for Junior KG!) where he was marked 'Very Good' in one of the parameters and not 'Excellent'. I distinctly remember feeling disappointed about that! And not happy that, he was very good at something! This is exactly what we as parents need to address as well. There is no point teaching the child the principle of acceptance when you are going to be after his / her life to live upto your expectations!
The bottom line is: We need to take care of our future generations, so that they are capable of taking care of themselves in the future. And running around the children's park with a whip is no way to do that.
Take care.
4 comments:
It is very difficult to keep yourself and the child out of this rut!! You have to consciously work towards it to ensure that you don't put your child under pressure. As you wrote, a sense of disappointment pervades when you find your loved ones not being at the top. Most of the parents don't push the child too much for this but at times you tend to get carried away and do that unconsciously in other ways. Whatever you do and say, the peer pressure on kids is always there. You can't avoid it competely.
You nailed it with the expression "Parents should teach their kids to accept failure and success equally as a part of their life." Its not new that the new age parents want their kids to be better than themselves , they already by nature are better, e.g. new age kids are better than their parents in host of discplines one being technology. I think rather than forcing , current parents should partner them to find what interests the kid and guide them along. It shouldn't turn out to be dictatorial. I am surprised that educated parents cannot draw a line on their expectations.
Venkat / Navin : Couldn't agree more with your respective views!
Cheers!
Suresh
@Naveen: I will wait for you to get married and start a family.. would like to see how you draw the line!!!!!!!!!
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